Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Why we submit (with a little spanking story in and among the philosophizing)

I've always intended that this blog should be a place not just to talk about the "realities" behind the stories of EXPLORATIONS, but also about the--let's call them--"actualities" behind those "realities." There are questions that press themselves upon me every time I sit down to write, and every time I give in to temptation, in the face of a picture, or a story, and let my fingers find their way down past the waistband of my panties to the place that always seems to be waiting for them. 

Why am I--the actual I--aroused by nothing as much as I'm aroused by the drama of Dominance and submission? Why do I want to be spanked, caned, whipped, anally-ravished?

Or, if the "Why?" has no answer other than "because I was born this way," then the "How?" of "How can I best live a good life given that I'm born this way?"

Given that I'm born this way.

Add to that given some other givens, and things begin to take their complicated shape:

Given that sex feels good.

Given that real life isn't like
Story of O. Or a porn video.

Given that hurting other people, in real life, is bad.

Given that getting off while thinking about someone being hurt, including yourself, seems to contradict the principle that hurting people is bad, since (doesn't it seem?) what is a fantasy except a wish for something to happen in the real world?

It's likely that there's another, actual, "I" behind this italicized "real" I. It's likely that that I is much less free than "I" am to express herself erotically. If so, the question presses itself upon that "Emily" even more urgently than it does upon me; after all, I have Charles to play with--this other, hypothetically-actual "Emily" has only her fingers and whatever toys and erotic materials she can hide from her vanilla spouse to supplement her imagination and her keyboard.
 . . .

For more about the "real" me, read the Companion! You'll find the rest of this post (and it's hot, I promise!) there.


  1. I just grabbed your free book. Like a cheapskate. I promise, though, I won't leave a review bitching about your prices. SNORT.

  2. Fantasies can be wishes, but more often I think they are stimulation. The reason we like them isn't because we'd like to do them. It's because they do us. They get us hot. They create a pleasure feedback cycle. Probably they create the right neurotransmitter (dopamine, my guess) at the right location in the brain.

    So, I don't get overly worried if my fantasy contradicts my ethics. The real problem is more that I don't find things as satisfying if they stray too far from the realistic. In that case, the conflict makes it hard for me to enjoy the fantasy.

    I'm sorry to bring up biochemistry, but most of what we think of as thought probably is just chemicals doing their thing.

    Fortunately, the effect can be quite pleasant.

    1. Thanks, Rich. That's a really important point, and you don't have to apologize for getting material on the question. It's not hot, but it's really helpful to remember that we're not talking about cosmic forces when we talk about why BDSM matters to us.

      It's an interesting point about the realistic, and my mileage would seem to vary from yours on distance from reality; I adore erotic fairy-tales and myths, for example.